Title/Author: Anywhere But Here by Akpomiemie Erujaroh
Category:
Format: Paperback

Warning! This book is aimed at the adult market and contains explicit content. Please do not read it if you are under 18 years of age, or likely to be offended.

Author Profile

Akpomiemie Erujaroh was born in born in Kaduna State in northern Nigeria in 1969. After the Nigerian civil war his migrant parents returned south to the Mid-Western region, which eventually became Bendel State and afterwards Delta State. They settled in Warri otherwise known as the Oil City of Nigeria (for its oil production capacity).

After secondary education at Unity School, Agbaro, and Okapere Grammar School, Akpo pursed his ambition to travel having previously visited England in the summers of  1985 and 1987. In London, he found the most exciting and cosmopolitan capital he had ever visited and simply fell in love with the place so, when he decided to embark on his travels, he had only one destination in mind: London, England.

Since 1989 he has lived in the northern, eastern and now the southern part of the great London Metropolis. In 1998, he obtained a law degree at the University of Westminster but has not yet taken up legal practice for a number of reasons. However, he was bitten by the writing bug and has since written a few short stories.

Anywhere But Here is his first novel and he says his attempts to get it published would probably make a story in its own right. But, now he has been published he is encouraged by the outcome and is currently working on his next novel. At least, he works on it when he is not trying to persuade some influential backers to turn Anywhere into a motion picture or TV drama.

So watch this space for news about a possible movie. 

Book Price: £7.99 + £2.00 p&p

Synopsis

Set in London, “Anywhere But Here” tells the hilarious and moving story of reluctant mini-cab driver Ese Urhobo.

Having just left university with a degree in law, Ese takes up mini-cabbing to clear his debts. Unamused, his long-time girlfriend decides to dump him. Ese will find the love of his life in the stunning Mary. But all goes wrong when Mary’s sexuality threatens their perfect relationship. But Ese’s problems are only just beginning when a passenger dies in his cab, and the young graduate is charged with murder.

The circumstantial evidence is overwhelming; as Ese knows too well. In sober reflection, he tries coming to terms with the chilling possibility of spending the rest of his life behind bars for a crime he did not commit. But all is not lost, if anyone can help him, it has to be his mentor and old lecturer, the distinguished Professor Hopkins. He agrees to take the case after a long absence from the law courts.

The story develops from Ese’s graduation ceremony through his cabbing experiences and on to the emotionally charged courtroom drama that captures the imagination of the country’s media. Through all of this, Ese nurtures one dream: to return to his native Nigeria and practise law, a dream that can only become true if he is found innocent.

Taster ...

'Ese Urhobo, LLB (Hons)'

My name was announced over the loudspeakers, and my heart leapt. As I walked onto the platform I was filled with joy and excitement, a real sense of achievement. I felt like jumping in the air shouting, 'YES!'

This was indeed the crowning moment. For the past four years I have waited. It was unbelievable. Here I was at the Barbican Centre receiving a warm handshake of congratulations from the distinguished Professor Peter Hopkins.

'Well done Ese, well done.'

He smiled, patted my shoulder and motioned that I proceed. The hall was packed. There were not enough seats. Many people were standing. The guests must have exceeded the Barbican's capacity by far. There was an audience of more than 3000 people, all clapping.

A few feet from where Professor Hopkins stood were the seated Lecturers of the University. All were dressed in ceremonial robes. As I walked past them towards the Chancellor, I paused to nod my acknowledgement to the panel of my would-be alma mater.

'Congratulations!' smiled the Chancellor with his out-stretched hand.

'Thank you, Sir.' With both hands, I shook his.

The audience was clapping continuously like a beating drum. Those few minutes had been my moment of glory.

As I walked off the platform to give way to the next graduate, I looked up at the crowd to find a few of my friends who had come to share this moment. They were seated in the centre of the sixth row. Some were clicking their cameras whilst Pat stood up clapping excitedly. She blew me a kiss as I waved back at them. It was one of the most incredible moments of my life. A great sense of pride and accomplishment, my beloved grandma was the only person missing. Both my parents had died when I was only two years old, and I had been brought up by grandma. If only she had been here to witness the occasion, she would have been even more proud than me. Silently, I blessed her soul. If she was up there watching, I knew she would be smiling from ear to ear.

The clapping and cheering continued. All I could think of at that moment was thank goodness I made it.

The award ceremony took three hours, after which all students with their friends and families came out of the hall to take more photographs. There were lots of proud parents about from all parts of the world all in different brightly coloured clothes. There were Arabs, Africans, Asians even Scots in their distinctive kilts.

Amongst us there were lots of back slapping and hearty handshakes saying: 'Well done'; 'Thank goodness it's all over.' 'No more assignments.' 'No more deadlines to meet.' 'Good luck for the future.'

Pat, a smile on her face was clicking away at her camera. She must have taken well over forty pictures of me and any friend I shook hands with, including Professor Hopkins.

I have always looked up to the Professor with admiration from the very first time he became our lecturer on Criminal Law. He is a distinguished gentleman and a scholar in every sense of the word. At sixty-four years old, over six foot tall and of medium build. He is at all times immaculately dressed with his silver hair always neatly cut, giving him an all round dandified look. Until recently, the Professor was a practising Barrister, combining his practice with lecturing part-time, but he gave up practising completely to focus his attention on lecturing. He once told the class that he actually prefers the teaching of law to the "rigmarole of the courthouse" as he prefers to call it. He did, however, make his criminal law lectures the most interesting by always drawing on his long experiences at the Old Bailey and other court houses.

Professor Hopkins had a way of making our hopes and ambitions seem so easy and realistic. When in class he would always go out of his way to analyse the most complex of cases. Outside the lecture hall the Professor was also very helpful to his students, but noticeably more so to foreign students. Once he said, 'The drive of students to leave their various countries, and travel to England for educational purposes is a manifestation of a student's admirable determination to learn'. He was never too busy or tired to help with whatever academic problems a foreign student might have.

'England is the origin of the modern day common law, and there is no better place to study it, but in England,' the proud English Professor would sometimes say. 'Whatever academic problems you have, never hesitate to come to me.'

There was always something of a colonialist patronage about the Professor, but you would never hear anybody say a negative word about him. Perhaps, it was the authority and eloquence with which he lectured or the enviable dignity with which he conducted himself, in and outside the lecture hall.

Though it was the middle of December, the weather was uncharacteristically bright and remained sunny all afternoon. Once we were all gathered, Professor Hopkins joined us for a special group photograph of what used to be our criminal law tutorial group. Every graduate in the group also took individual pictures with him, before he bid us all a final good luck for the future, knowing we might probably never meet again.

After the ceremony, Pat, Ejiro, Grace, Ochuko, James, Tobor and I all went over to 'The Harvester Restaurant' along Lordship Lane in Dulwich, where we had arranged to meet five more friends whom for various reasons could not make it to The Barbican Centre. We had a champagne dinner. My friends know how to have a good time and were in high spirits all evening. By the time we left the restaurant it was 11:00 p.m.

I woke up at ten o'clock the next morning. But for a terrible hangover raging in my head, all else in the flat was calm and peaceful. Pat had left for work two hours earlier. She always kept some medicines I remembered, so reluctantly I staggered out of bed and into the bathroom to explore the medicine cabinet. My legs were having difficulty supporting the weight of my exhausted body. My eyes also felt fuzzy, as much as I tried, I could not spit out my unwanted tongue. At this time just about any tablets would do, I made a quick mixture of Alka Selza and gulped it in one go. The fizzy drink has to be the most disgusting thing that has passed through my mouth in a very long time. I rinsed out the remnants from the glass and helped myself to a couple of Paracetamol tablets, then went to the kitchen and forced a bowl of cereal down my throat. Still feeling tired, I retreated back to bed. I will think of what to do with the rest of the day when Pat returns from work.

It was not until 4:30 in the afternoon when she came in the door.

'Hello, anybody home?' she called out.

'Only the burglar' I replied from beneath the shower. I could hear her shuffling about in the kitchen, as she put away her shopping. A few moments later she came into the bathroom.

'How was your day?' I asked.

'Nothing much,' she replied. 'You know what it's like at the beginning of the week. A new kid joined my class today. She was a bit shy settling down.'

'That's kids for you, give her a couple of days, she will be up and running about like she owns the place.'

'I know, tell me about it. Anyway how was your day?' she asked.

'Very busy, very busy sleeping off my hangover,' I replied as I pulled aside the shower curtain.

Pat was sitting on the toilet seat without her jacket and shoes. She was wearing her white blouse and black trousers. Her feet were resting on the edge of the bathtub, her smile was weak. Until I started dating Pat I never knew that being a pre-school teacher was that demanding a job.

'You look tired,' I smiled at her. 'You want to join me? A bath will always refresh any tired body.' Playfully I grabbed my crotch. 'Come on, the water is still hot.'

'Yes, as if.' She sighed with a half smile and walked out of the bathroom, but returned a few minutes later, this time wearing her bathrobe. Slowly, she let it slip off her bare shoulders. In a moment her body was bare, my rush of excitement was also instant. Pat stepped into the shower.

'Umn, just how I like to see you. Come to me my voluptuous princess,' I put my arms around her and gently pulled her closer to my wet body. 'Let's do the Teddy Pender thing. I wash your body, while you wash mine.'

'Yeah, yeah,' she giggled. 'Better not have any ideas, you are not Teddy.'

Her hands went around my neck to anchor her soft and tender body. True contact was made as the softness of her big breasts squeezed against my soapy chest.
'No problem,' I whispered in her ear. 'Let's pretend I am Teddy just this once.'

'No, no, no, for that Mr Urhobo you will need another degree,' she paused and smiled....'in love.'

'For you, I don't need a degree.' We both locked in a kissing hug. Soon there was only one noise in the steamy bathroom, the sound of the running shower splashing on two naked people, man and woman. Fifteen minutes later we left the bathroom for the king-sized bed.

Copyright © 2003 Akpomiemie Erujaroh